Give The World Your Best and It May Never Be Enough: A Random Reflection on How People Get So Judgmental

A few days ago I was in the middle of something that was actually very useless and yet I was doing it anyway. In my defense, this thing that I did is not harmful to anybody, can somehow entertain me, and a lot of people do it everyday anyway. See how I turn an 'a lot of people do it anyway' to a justification of shameful things that I do? Ironically funny. I myself am not a big fan of people that do some wrongs and misuse the phrase to stay innocent. However that is not the intention of my writing today, so maybe I'll get back on that subject later?

So what is it that I was doing a few days ago?
It's as simple as going through someone's Instagram account. This account happens to belong to a male public figure whom I find quite hilarious. I have rolled on the floor laughing over some of his videos previously and I hoped for the same thing when I 'committed my crime'. I scrolled a few pages of his account and stopped at a video featuring the public figure and his new loving girlfriend. The video is more or less captioned "How to kiss halal-ly (cara ciuman yang halal :p)

The public figure and the girlfriend are in a scene where they look like they're about to smooch. Yet just an inch before the kiss takes place, the public figure quickly puts his hand over his girlfriend's lips thus end up kissing his own hand. I was successfully entertained by the witty caption and the video itself. I kept going to see some other videos that he posted and laughed even more.

The video doesn't cross my mind anymore up until today.
I can't help but think that people have a double standard regarding intimate couple showing their affection in public. Sometimes this can be cute - which was my initial response towards the public figure's video. While some other time this will look extremely gross and sinful - for example when you see a girl with a headscarf holds hands with an opposite sex.

It all started when a friend ignited a conversation about this couple that she met at a coffee shop. As it were, the girl was wearing a religious attire (read: wearing headscarf). This friend of mine went on talking about how bizarre it was for her to see this so-called religious girl to lean on her lover's shoulder while he gently stroked her cheek. My friend was puzzled for the girl was showing things contrary with her attire. Some of my other friends jumped in to the conversation basically saying their disapproval towards the girl's action. They were very correct when they mentioned that a lot (not all) of religious girls these days made a commitment to wear the headscarf based on their parents' order. Another friend also made a comment about these girls' lack of knowledge about what the headscarf was all about.

To be honest, the talk slapped me in the face a little bit. In a good way though. 

I have made a commitment to wear the headscarf for almost four years now. Except that I still wear jeans and shirts instead of long dresses and skirts. What I can tell you is I am not the most religious person in the universe. I do things that I'm ashamed of too. My faith gets shaken every now and then. And just like everybody else I sometimes question our very existence in the world and why we do things that we are obligated to do.

The one thing that tickles my mind is how people are expecting so much out of the girls with the headscarf. A lot of people expect us to always say the right things, to always pray on time, to not be intimate with the opposite sex, so on and so forth.

I was once very judgmental to these girls too. I expect them to always wear clothes that are modest and not revealing. I expect them to say and do things that are considered good at all times. I get very concerned when these girls are involved in a physical contact with a guy in public.

But now that I'm on the other side, being the girl with the headscarf, I understand that all these headscarf-ed girls are all human too. We're just a regular human being hoping and trying to be better. One day at a time. We may have wrongfully crossed some limits on a bad day. We may have showed our very wild side that is not in accordance to your expectations towards a Muslim woman. And on behalf of myself and all the other imperfect headscarf-ed girls I would like to apologize.

Nevertheless, to be fair and give you both sides of the story, don't you think that these headscarf-ed girls get misunderstood very often though? When some wear skirts that are so long they can sweep the floor or a veil that covers most of their face, people look at them with disbelief. When some wear tight jeans and get physically involved with their guy friends, people look at them with disgust. Will this group of women ever live up to your standard? 

Who are we to judge? Some of you may have heard. I predict the most basic response to this question would be: "I'm not judging, I'm merely commenting on..." Tell me again how this is not an exhibit of a judgement. But isn't that just a human nature? To always feel like they know the most and have the authority to judge what other people do. What I am writing now is also judgmental of some sort and I will not dodge the bullet.

A light note I would like to deliver through this writing is that you can do all the good things in the world and still get judged anyway. But that does not give you the privilege to play God and judge other human beings whenever you want. 

So the next time you see a girl with a headscarf gets too intimate with a guy:
Be positive, for they may be a married couple.
Or be merciful, the girl may simply be made an object by her guy and is not strong enough to resist.
Or be fair, last time I checked, the order to not be intimate with opposite sex before marriage is given to all Muslim women (headscarf-ed or not) as well as the men.



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