How Soon is 'Soon'?

I have been thinking about Monroe lately, like I always have.

I have been missing everyone I know in Monroe. My Mom, who often missed dinner for various meetings she had to attend. My Dad, who was always the first person to take a shower in the morning and took me to Skyline if he didn't have time to cook dinner. Ben, who was only home for Thanksgiving and Christmas but was always the nice and mature and smart and cool and sophisticated brother. Gabe, who drove me to school everyday and let his pillow get wet of my tears that one night when I was broken. Hannah, who thought my room was always neat and every now and then got excited to show her room after she cleaned it up.

Alison was one of my very first friends whom I met in the sports med class and thanks to her, I didn't have to have lunch all by myself that second day at school. Hannah was always freaking out whenever I told her stories, whatever story. Courtney was the smartest American friend of mine who was there for the ups and downs. Heather couldn't stop talking and spilling her secrets that one night we went for a Thespian outing and always screamed at me when I yelled Bambam at her. This list can go on forever, describing each and everyone I know and what we had together, and so I decide to drop it now.

But then all the images of corn fields, the crowd in the football field every Friday night, the streets of Bridal Creek where I had my first ever trick-or-treat, that Chinese restaurant Saxon took me for lunch, the Kroger trip every Sunday when I got to see a couple of friends at work, Salvation Army where Gabe got his shades which he would only wear for the rest of the summer, the trip to Columbus with Susan and all the kids, riding my bike with Eli just to get some doughnuts at six in the morning, that one time Mrs. Frye told the whole creative writing class about my grade in English class, that Use Somebody song that always takes me back to Monroe... and pretty much everything just came across my mind.

Do you know that one indescribable feeling when you just miss someone or something that it hurts?

Tell me about Skype, or postcards, or any other tool to help people all across the globe get connected. I suck at keeping in touch. I might be the worst. I don't seem to be able to find time to get a hold of them. And here I go writing about it trying to find something to blame it all on.

I miss a lot of people. And I wish Monroe were just a mile away from here so I could go on a bus to get there. Or I wish it only cost ten bucks to get on a plane and fly to the home of the brave and the land of the free. Or I wish it didn't take 23 hours to get there. And so I keep wishing.

I know it's not impossible for me to get back there, or maybe for my friends to one day visit me. I know the time will come, sooner or later. But how soon is 'soon'? One year? Ten years? or god knows how soon.

I miss you. If only saying "I miss you" could ease the pain. I know it doesn't, but now at least you know how much you mean to me and how often I think about you.


successfully brought me to tears this afternoon :( 



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