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[A Reflection] If We Die, We Die, But First, We Live

06 April 2018 Jumat cerah di Jakarta, tidak ada yang lebih istimewa dari mendapati salah satu manusia yang paling saya cintai di muka bumi sedang berkunjung. Ibu saya datang memenuhi janjinya menemani saya mencari kain di Pasar Mayestik. Di usia-usia seperempat abad seperti saya ini, kegiatan mencari kain di Pasar Mayestik mungkin menjadi kegiatan yang sangat berarti.
You find yourself stranded among these piles of fabric with different colors and textures; on the other corner you find your mother and your soon-to-be mother chatting and laughing and choosing the right fabric for your big day. And there exactly I was.
Ada rasa waswas mengetahui kegiatan pilih kain ini akan bemuara pada sebuah gerbang yang disebut pernikahan. Not just a one day wedding, but a lifetime marriage. Tapi di atas rasa itu, ada kebahagian yang memenuhi setiap senti dari keberadaan saya, yang rasanya bisa tumpah kapanpun dia mau.
That, and also a pain in my tummy. Sejak Kamis malam, ada rasa pedih yang cukup mengga…
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When You Know, You Know

Growing up, I was always wondering when the time would be for me to meet The One. I know a lot of young girls grow up and become a completely developed mature woman who has other dreams and priorities, instead of focusing on just finding Her One.
I, on the other hand, keep that wish with me all through my teenager life up until now, when I would define myself as a woman. I still wonder when the time is for me to meet The One.
Who exactly is, The One? The woman/man of one's dreams, the soulmate, or the love of of one’s life, as cheesy relationship articles always refer to. When do they come around? How do we know that they have come?
Time and time again, I always hear people say: when you know, you know. When The One God created for you comes along, you will know. But technically and realistically, how do I know?
Is he The One if I feel butterflies in my tummy when I am with him? Is he The One if he continuously inspires me to write beautiful poetry of how wonderful life is when …
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I Would Not Have Known

What is meant for you, will reach you even if it is between two mountains; And what isn't meant for you, won't reach you even if it is between your two lips.
As days go by, I have come to understand the meaning of such quotes. Not just getting to know the literal meaning of each word, but trying to wholeheartedly accept the consequence that lies within the quote . 
Tentu, tidak jarang ada suara lain dalam hati saya yang mengeluh, merasa kecewa, dan sulit untuk menerima keadaan yang sedang saya hadapi. Suara yang kerap kali berbicara dengan nada yang saya tidak sukai. Meski pada akhirnya saya harus berani mengakui bahwa suara itu kurang lebih merupakan bagian dari diri sendiri.
Tentu, ada kecil hati yang saya rasakan ketika teman-teman seangkatan di masa kuliah dulu sudah berkesempatan untuk menempuh jenjang pendidikan yang lebih tinggi dan menambah satu gelar lagi di belakang namanya.
Tentu, ada kecil hati yang saya rasakan ketika seolah-olah semua orang di sekitar saya mantap …
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